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Fall 2003-2004 CBS TV Network Programming Schedule

 Descriptions and Analysis

New Series in blue.

Click on underlined titles for information.

Here's the link to CBS' Official 2003-2004 Fall Preview Page.

CBS New Series

The Brotherhood of Poland, N.H.:  David E. Kelley returns to CBS with this small-town saga centering around three brothers, their families, and life in general.  With a cast that has solid roots in both drama and comedy, TBoPNH is a return to Picket Fences territory, clearly aiming to combine quirkiness with heart.  Randy Quaid (fresh off his The Grubbs debacle), Brian Haley, John Carroll Lynch (not household names but solid actors), and some astounding and unconventional female talent in Mare Winningham, Elizabeth McGovern and Ann Cusack (sister of Joan and John) certainly set up this series with high expectations of quality and acting prowess.  If CBS's Wednesday 9pm comedy hour hits the mark, perhaps viewers looking for something other than Law and Order's oh-so-grim-and-predictable goings-on will tune in, but I hate to see it going against ABC's new Karen Sisco show which also deserves to prosper. Update 6/11/03:  Re-shoots  are in the works and a re-casting -- Brian Haley is out -- is too, as David Kelley reportedly wants to "lighten up" certain aspects of the show, resulting in a much-re-done pilot episode.  Update 7/1/03:  Chris Penn (brother of Sean, veteran of many TV and movie roles) is evidently in as the new third brother, replacing Haley.  Premiere date:  9/24.  Update 10/7/03:  Law and Order is still kicking butt, and Brotherhood is trailing far behind, one of the bigger disappoints so far this season on any network.  Review 10/9/03:  Not just one, but two more-than-decent shows are being sacrificed at the unholy altar of Law and Order this year.  ABC's Karen Sisco and CBS' The Brotherhood of Poland, N.H. are, not surprisingly but sadly, surely, having a rough time getting any sampling, Brotherhood getting the worst of it.  It's really a shame that more viewers can't be persuaded to turn away from one hour of Wolf's wonderdrug to give this interesting show a chance.  Certainly Brotherhood has the best acting ensemble out there this season, but I guess the male cast isn't cute or young enough, and the females dare to show a few wrinkles.  I'm no fan of David E. Kelley's legal skeins, but here he's gone back to some of the humanity of Picket Fences to create this intelligent and complex multi-family drama set in a small Northeastern town.  Are these characters not flashy enough?  I realize Randy Quaid may not have lived down last season's The Grubbs debacle, but he's a talented actor, doomed forever to be compared to his leaner brother Dennis, and we're lucky to get him and the rest of the gang.  The real question to ponder -- is there only room for one kind of drama to work on TV anymore?  I detect a large helping of "plain people prejudice" against Brotherhood's overall semi-sad-sack milieu, but surely even a whiff of something different, even a slightly eccentric yet humane view of small town life, ought to be able to blunt some of Law and Order's omnipresent ordinary-ness.  No such thing is happening, not this time around.  Update 10/24/03:  CBS has given Brotherhood its walking papers, halting production during the filming of the show's 7th episode.  Though it's officially "on hiatus," Poland's timeslot will be filled by specials and news magazines until further notice.    

Cold Case: Is there any way this show isn't going to work?  From the same production line that created the CSI shows and Without a Trace, this is their latest model, wherein Philadelphia detectives go to work on old cases, the titular cold cases, that nobody's been able to crack...yet.  Canadian TV has their own smash drama series with this same premise called Cold Squad (which premiered in 1998, and unfortunately nobody's running it here in the U.S.), and Britain has its Waking the Dead (started in 2000), which luckily is available here on BBC America and is well worth checking out.  As for Cold Case, with a largely unknown cast -- except for Kathryn Morris (Minority Report) and former Calvin Klein model Justin Chambers -- the technique is the thing here and this appears to be procedural television stripped down to its essence.  Although it will have direct police show competition in ABC's 10-8, the 60 Minutes lead-in is perfect for Cold Case, plus CC will look great promoted inside the rest of the CBS line-up, especially its sister shows.  Premiere date:  9/28.  Update 8/20:  Some slight negative buzz on this after an evidently less-than-impressive session at the Critics Tour.  Update 8/25:  Actor Danny Pino (Desi in Lucy TVM, guest shots on The Shield) will join the series in the 6th episode as the detective partner of Lily Rush (Morris).  Will he add the needed spice to kick this show up a notch?  Review 10/3/03:  As expected, Cold Case performed well in its premiere week, thanks to a great lead-in but primarily by delivering on its crime-solving promise.  Despite qualms (after Critics Tour reports of cast ennui during the show session there; check out the interviews on the CBS website you can see that Ms. Morris' strength doesn't seem to be PR babbling) Kathryn Morris brought some nice wry touches to her role as a detective who's reluctantly thrown into cold case territory.  You could almost watch her get her sea legs during the pilot, easing out of a tough gal cop cliche interpretation to showing signs that she might indeed have what it takes to turn this woman into something special.  Bringing the old crimes to life through flashbacks works well, and especially so when the detectives meet the suspects for the first time; in that very brief instant the contemporary faces meld with their historical file images, and the effect is intriguing.  There's the requisite police workplace full of  assorted grumblers, hot dogs and a father figure -- you know, the kind where the lead character can go up and take the coffee cup right out of his hand, drink, and hand it back to him, without asking (do people really do that?).  Of course you've seen it all before, but thanks to the Philadelphia setting and a slighty weary wash over the whole thing, Cold Case turns it all into something watchable.  Producers Bruckheimer et al are still new enough at this crime show franchise-creating game that their shows don't yet seem to be completely created by cookie cutter, as do Dick Wolf's, and I'd put Cold Case's pilot down as evidence that maybe they're going to let this series develop its own rhythm.  I could watch this again.  Once in a while a show actually deserves the ratings it inherits from a lead-in; Cold Case is a great example.  Update 10/17/03:  Although a full season order hasn't come down yet, CBS has requested more scripts of Cold Case.  Update 10/28/03:  Cold Case has received its full season pick-up.

The Handler:  Veteran actor Joe Pantoliano, whose career profile went up umpteen notches thanks to his turn as psycho thug Ralphie in The Sopranos (but who's been working steadily for the past 25 years), gets what may be his first bona fide headliner role in this new hard-hitting action series.  He's Joe Renato, FBI ace, a handler: an undercover agent who trains other agents to be undercover agents.  Promising solid street thrills, The Handler looks to be a great companion piece for the relocated Jag, and if it fulfills its potential might easily rule the night.  The agents-in-training are an attractive multicultural bunch including Tanya Wright, who was so good during 24's first season as the smart and lovely Presidential candidate's aide who was cruelly manipulated by the evil Mrs. Candidate.  Although it's too bad that The Handler has to go against NBC's constantly struggling Boomtown in its new timeslot, I'd put my money on Joey Pants to go the distance for CBS.  Premiere date:  9/26.  Review 10/6/03:  Thanks to CBS' unexpectedly strong new Friday night line-up, The Handler is handily beating the competition, including NBC's Boomtown.  Pantoliano has a hardened charm, a phrase that could also describe the battered porkpie had he wears as he plays gruff shepherd to his flock of undercover newbies.  Joey Pants' Renato is a toughie, all right, riding his young charges like a drill sergeant mother hen, and yet showing traces of compassion and savvy that will surely serve them all well as they go against the bad guys.  Renato's world is a universe of cheap strip clubs, teenage runaways, broken-down ex-cons -- including his own brother -- and other assorted low-lifes who guarantee weekly troubles for the gang.  Falling somewhere between the personality cops on 10-8 and the grim monotony of William Petersen on CSI, Pantoliano's weary and wary presence is appealing if you're in the mood for this sort of show.  You're not going to see anything new, but the cast is good and the production first-rate.  Update 10/28/03:  The Handler has received its full season pick-up from CBS.  Update 1/9/04:  The Handler's season order has been reduced back to 15 episodes; the show has faltered since its strong start out of the gate, and odds are that it will be hiatused before Feb. sweeps, possibly with new legal skein Century City.

Joan of Arcadia:  Producer Barbara Hall (Judging Amy, Chicago Hope, Northern Exposure) brings this unusual family drama to a Friday 8pm time period that's unusually crowded with new entries.  Boasting some impressive acting talent -- Joe Mantegna, Mary Steenburgen -- and a novel premise -- God regularly converses with their teenage daughter -- JoA might be poised to move into the soft spot that many viewers felt for the recently departed Touched By An Angel.  Amber Tamblyn (General Hospital), daughter of famed '50s musical dancing star Russ Tamblyn, plays the girl with the direct line upstairs; in the show she has two brothers, one of whom has been disabled in a car accident.  It's quite a family stew, and although this is a definitely offbeat concept I'd bet on it having a chance.  Audiences have shown that they like a touch of the spiritual -- so long as its not too supernatural -- and JoA appears to be grounded in a way that will appeal to viewers looking for something with uplifting values, yet with touches of humor that will keep it from becoming too heavy.  Scheduled in competition with new shows on all the networks except UPN, and some of them with good buzz going in (like Miss/Match), the hand of the almighty could come in mighty handy around here.  Premiere date:  9/26.  Review 10/6/03:  CBS has rejuvenated Friday with their winning line-up, starting off the night with the successful and satisfying Joan of Arcadia, a teen drama -- or in this case, a drama with teens -- that somehow manages not to drive off those of us who neither are teenagers nor are raising them.  What's most impressive is that producer Barbara Hall has managed to infuse the family drama, a genre that's already plenty effectively represented on TV these days -- Seventh Heaven, Everwood et al -- with an angle that gives it entree to viewers who might not ordinarily be attracted to the form.  I count myself among the later, but I've been won over by both the sort of appealing, sort of unsettling premise and the terrific performances of the entire cast, particularly Amber Tamblyn who is quite wonderful in the title role.  Tamblyn's down-to-earth good girl good looks make you realize that every teen girl's not a she-vixen out of the movie Thirteen, and she has a nice light touch with her dialogue that manages to keep her away from any kind of Buffy-esque patois which could get annoying.  Jason Ritter, the late John Ritter's son, does a good job with his role as the newly-disabled teen son; it will be interesting to see him coming further to grips with his limitations as the season progresses.  He's got a nice bitter edge that's probably as much a cliche as a saintly portrayal might be, but it feels more authentic, at least.  I really like the super-smart youngest son, cursed by nothing but his own prodigious intellect and having enough wit to know it.  Mary Steenburgen and Joe Mantegna as mother and father are also working hard at the parent thing, and  viewing the unfolding of their relationship with their touched-by-a-deity daughter will be worth waiting for.  Except for a little too much reliance on acoustic guitar music with soulful lyrics to signal teen angst (but of course that's not unique to this show), Joan of Arcadia expertly manages to weave a comfortable blanket of otherworldly mystery, 21st Century real-world issues including crime (courtesy of the dad's police chief job), teenage insecurity, parental pressure and a whole lot in-between.  Comfortable, yes, but with enough snags and problems to satisfy even the most cynical among us.  Family drama it may be, but it's also just plain good drama.  Update 10/17/03:  Reflecting Joan's somewhat unexpected strength against all competition, a full season pickup is expected shortly; so far CBS has at least ordered more scripts.  Update 10/28/03:  Not surprisingly, Joan has been picked-up for a full season by CBS.  This show is one of their most gratifying successes, ratings-wise and critically. 

Navy CIS (NCIS):  The solid and successful Jag has finally spawned, and if people get the initials of this new show confused with that other top-rated franchise, hey, who's complaining?  Sliding into Jag's timeslot and hopefully inheriting its loyal audience, NCIS' focus is on the investigation of Navy crimes, which then presumably Jag, in its new Friday at 9pm berth, will sometimes handle in the courtroom.  Mark Harmon -- longtime TV favorite (The West Wing) who made a guest appearance on Jag in April to introduce his character -- stars, along with the legendary and uniformly superb David McCallum, who will always be Illya Kuriakin to those of us of a certain age.  Michael Weatherly from the cult series Dark Angel also stars.  Jag, which has been the quiet little engine that could for the past eight seasons, may be one of those shows you've never watched, but rest assured that plenty of folks do, and they'll be thrilled to have a spin-off in the offing.   Update 7/1/03:  Official show title now seems to be NCIS.  Update:  Title is officially Navy NCIS.  Premiere date:  9/26.  Update 10/28/03:  The show has gotten a full season pick-up from CBS.

The Stones (midseason):  CBS is moving its hit The King of Queens over to Wednesdays at 9pm to jumpstart the comedy incubator there, and this new series will follow at 9:30pm.  Starring Robert "The Comedian's Comedian" Klein -- versatile, intelligent and talented -- and Judith Light -- fan favorite for her soap opera career on One Live to Live, her sitcom Who's the Boss, and many TV movie roles -- as a long-married couple who surprise their grown children by announcing they're getting a divorce.  This evidently throws the kids for a loop and merriment ensues as the parents now discover they're getting along better than ever, much to their children's confusion.  While The Stones doesn't sound like a shoo-in, with a strong lead-in it may get the appropriate demographic sampling to win over its audience.  Update 7/3/03:  Ted Danson's Becker, which was recently given a 13-episode order for the 2003-2004 season, will now air in the Wed. 9:30p time period, delaying the premiere of The Stones until midseason.  CBS, nervous about both sticking a rookie comedy into their new Wednesday comedy block and giving that same rookie show the responsibility of leading into David Kelley's new series, has given new life to Becker and hopefully shored up the night.  Update 3/1/04:  The Stones is finally hitting the air on Wednesday, 3/17/04.  Update 4/6/04:  The Stones has been cancelled after three airings.  Remaining sextet of episodes will be run off in summer or shelved.    

Two and a Half Men:  Charlie Sheen is one lucky guy; CBS has handed his new show the best time slot on the entire schedule.  Unless the thing is a steaming pile of dung (and maybe even if it is), this is a sure thing if ever there was one.  Nestled in tight between Mr. Romano's personal 40 million dollar bonanza Everybody Loves Raymond and David "The Comeback Kid" Caruso's CSI: Miami, Sheen's new family comedy appears sure to please everybody from audiences to the more-important advertisers.  Charlie (Sheen), a hotshot commercial writer living in a Malibu Beach dreamhouse, has his life turned upside down -- novel idea, that -- by the arrival of his nearly-divorced younger brother and his 10-year-old son.  In addition to Sheen, who's proven his comedy chops on Spin City and in many movies during his shockingly prolific career, the cast features Jon Cryer (quasi-Brat Packer, veteran of several well-reviewed but unwatched sitcoms over the past decade or so) and the always welcome Blythe Danner, who's as good in comedy as she is in straight drama.  After her short-lived experience in Presidio Med last year, it's about time this terrific actress gets a chance to stick around awhile.   Update 7/8/03:  Bye bye Blythe, hello Holland Taylor!  Ms. Danner has been replaced in the role of Charlie and Jon's mother by veteran actress Holland Taylor, who's been a TV and movie favorite for over twenty years.  If you're old enough you no doubt remember her as Tom Hanks' boss in Bosom Buddies way back in 1980; lately she's been a regular on The Practice and in the Spy Kids feature films.  Always a delightful and mordant presence, Ms. Taylor will no doubt be wonderful in the show but it's a shame that another wonderful actress had to get pushed aside.  That's show biz....  Premiere Date:  9/22.  Review 10/7/03:  CBS' Monday night is their bastion of family comedy, and lo and behold they've even managed to turn bad-boy actor Charlie Sheen into a shill for a ten-year-old boy.  Two and a Half Men is impeccably produced, flawlessly acted, and just about impossible to watch if you're not already a fan of the shows that come before it in the schedule.  The kid really stays in the picture here, and any kind of criticism of a show like this, especially one that's well-done, just comes off as churlish.  It's nice to see talented performers doing well with the same kind of trite family schtick -- except for the gay jokes, which are this season's mantra -- that less-talented casts struggle to pull off, and Sheen and Cryer do give their Odd Couple bit some appealing touches.  Two and a Half Men is working like a charm, and even if I'm not going be able to stomach it, hurrah to CBS for adding one more perfectly-crafted half-hour of household hilarity to their arsenal.  Most intriguing thing about the show:  Charlie's obsessed ex-girlfriend is played by Melanie Lynskey; film buffs will remember her amazing performance in Peter Jackson's incredible 1994 film Heavenly Creatures as one of a pair of teenage killers, the other played by Kate Winslet.  Highly recommended, and especially so as an antidote to shows like Two and a Half Men!  Update 10/28/03:  CBS has acknowledged the show's terrific ratings performance with a full season pick-up. 

Mid-season Shows

Century City:  This new legal drama is being touted as a possible replacement for The Handler on Friday nights, which despite a strong start hasn't been able to keep it up.  Set in 2030 Los Angeles, which from their swank office windows doesn't look nearly as grim as I'd envision, Century City stars Emmy-winning veteran actor Hector Elizondo (Chicago Hope), stalwart Nestor Carbonell, Tony Award winner Viola Davis, Welsh potential heartthrob Ioan Gruffudd, mildly slimy Eric Schaeffer, and Kristin Lehman as a genetically-enhanced lawyer (heaven forbid!).  Other than a few futuristic doo-dads like see-through paper and table-top holograms -- looking a lot like Princess Leia's "Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi" turn or Anne Francis posing in her space miniskirt in Forbidden Planet -- this feels like pretty standard TV lawyer stuff, though it's almost fun to see them tangling with philosophical issues like cloning and bionic body parts. Century City obviously wants to be Minority Report, but it's more Owen Marshall, Counselor at Law; either you're intrigued by the slightly goofy glimpse into the near future, or you ain't , and I'm enough of a dreamer to want to see how somebody else feels about it.  Men are still wearing neckties, btw, and if you want to read the series' extensive manifesto, check out their website.  I'm all for stem cell research, but if it's going to lead to bigger, better, and faster lawyers, maybe I'm going to reconsider....